Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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