If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
