So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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