I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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