Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
