She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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