my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
