I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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