Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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