omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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