saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
