Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
