Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
