I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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