Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
