My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
