Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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