I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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