The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
