Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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