I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
