i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
