ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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