# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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