What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
