Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
