you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
