yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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