Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
