I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
