you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
