i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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