it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
