Apparently you make a good broom.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
