i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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