and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How's work?
Spinning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
