dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
