Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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