I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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