just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
