I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
