I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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