I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I skipped work to stalk him.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
