Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
