dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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