My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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