My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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