Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
