I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
