I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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