your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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