She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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