Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
